In the flash flood of reviews that accompanied The
Exorcist’s enormous success, director William Friedkin noticed one that claimed
the film was really a homosexual wet
dream where the two priests are lovers who have to destroy the little girl in
order to consummate their love.

“I thought that was brilliant,” Friedkin said. “It had nothing to do with anything I intended,
but I guess it’s a totally valid analysis.”

Fast forward a few years and such theories are a dime a
dozen, seemingly spat out by computer to greet each new release. Did you know
that Jack from Titanic is really a time traveler? Or that Spice World promotes
white supremacy? Surely you realized that Alien: Covenant was an anti-Semitic
allegory?

By the time we reach the theory that James Bond is really a
Time Lord who keeps regenerating, however, anyone who isn’t a graduate of
Coconut University has to concede that we have left valid analysis far behind
and shifted into the realm of high fantasy, producing theories that have all
the truth of daydreams.

Theories just like the following, in fact.

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