Ladies and Gentlemen, it is two minutes to midnight. The
Doomsday Clock is ticking and in 2017 the Science and Security Board warned:
“The probability of global catastrophe is very high, and the actions needed to
reduce the risks of disaster must be taken very soon.”

Unless our elected representatives act wisely and guide us
away from the brink, the Board cautions, global danger looms.

We are so screwed.

In the wake of the inevitable apocalypse, women and
children will be led away to “re-education camps” where they’re
stripped of their possessions before being turned into smoothies. The men will
be forced into combat against Reptilian gladiators armed with chainsaws. And Gerard Butler will start shooting Angel
Has Fallen, the long-awaited sequel to London Has Fallen.

Looking on the bright side, we can at least content
ourselves with the knowledge that we held off the apocalypse for so long. Hollywood
was always telling us that The Big One was just around the next corner so
before we disappear from the planet we can all look back and marvel at those
movie dystopias that never happened.

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