Many a man still struggling to cope with all their combs suddenly falling into disuse will have been agog this week by news that Japanese boffins may just have found a way to reverse Samson’s betrayal.

The results should be taken with a pinch of salt, mind. Quite literally – the answer is McDonald’s fries. Or at least, a chemical within them.

According to the research, dimethylpolysiloxane – added to the fast-food restaurant’s chip ovens as an anti-foaming agent – allowed new hair follicles to grow on mice. When was the last time you saw a bald mouse?

Assuming it works on people as well as our squeaky lab partners, it could be the biggest medical breakthrough of all time. No really – just ask anyone lamenting a bathroom cabinet lined with half-full bottles of styling products.

It’s a pretty big assumption. We’ve been here before; men have been mourning their missing mops for centuries, and swindlers with jackets full of snake-oil have been profiting from their anguish for just as long. A comb-over only goes so far – it was fine for Julius Caesar, but he had a massive army with big swords to silence anyone tittering behind a column. For most, it just won’t do – which is why some of us have taken to rubbing bull, er, essence, on our bonces.

Hopefully this is the miracle we’ve all been waiting for, then, and not just an ingenious yet cruel bit of viral marketing. There’s something undignified about pleasuring a cow.

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